I'm in a predicament. One of my permanent side effects - akathisia (AKA Restless Leg Syndrome) - from when I had to take Anti-Psychotics is really bugging me at the moment! A medication I used to take when in hospital was Procyclidine did help, but I'm wary of asking for it again. Before I took Anti-Psychotics, I used to have restless legs because of anxiety, but it wasn't akathisia - my legs were restless but it didn't hurt to keep still. Now I wake up in the night in pain if my legs don't keep moving when I sleep. Thankfully, the majority of the time my subconscious keeps my legs moving so I don't wake up often. But moving 24/7 whilst coming off Sertraline (which by itself is making me tired) is exhausting. When I'm tired I get stressed and stress makes akathisia worse!!! It's a vicious cycle!
I'm not happy about asking for Procyclidine as they'll want to know why I want it. As I have lied before about things, my reputation was tarnished permanently, so saying it's a lasting side effect of Anti-Psychotics and not Anxiety might not be believed. I don't want to risk them thinking I'm anxious and at risk of a relapse. Plus, when I was in hospital, I asked for Procyclidine and was refused it. I was stressed out from the akathisia and desperate for something, anything to calm the pain down but not given anything. In frustration, I tried running away to go into town and try and find something that might make me feel better as the nurses were refusing me anything. I didn't get out but thankfully didn't end up in the locked ward again.
As well as the akathisia, I have lasting digestive problems which are also likely to be permanent. Thankfully I only take 2 tablets a day now for that; I used to take 5. Plus there's the tiredness and weight gain that isn't shifting. But the painful restlessness is by far the worst. If the Anti-Psychotics had helped me, I wouldn't be as frustrated by it. But the fact that they didn't help and I didn't want to take them makes me more annoyed because someone's bad decision has left me with permanent and frustrating side effects!
I remember having a book on my Wish List for a while, Dr Moncrieff's "The Myth of the Chemical Cure" and I would find it an interesting read, if it wasn't so expensive. But from the snippets that are available to read on the internet, many things that I told the nurses and doctors were true and not delusions like they told me. Either psychiatric workers have been brainwashed into believing that psychotropic drugs are useful and safe or there's something more going on. But either way, I'm not promoting my beliefs about pharmaceutical companies as that has been one of the main claims by psychiatric workers that I was delusional. Despite all the evidence I showed them.
Anyway, it's late now. Time to try and sleep through the night!