Three Weeks In

So it's been three weeks since I was brought in here. To be honest, not much has changed, aside from the medication I have been put on. I don't really want to go into details as to why I think I'm here, but those things haven't changed. I've had two antipsychotic injections since coming in, one yesterday, one on Tuesday, and both times I panicked and had to be held down. It's weird, I kind of feel the need to go into what happened with regards to the injections in writing, but I don't want to tell anyone about it. I may just type it up and leave it alone.

The injection I'm on is called acuphase, which is a variant of clopixol - a medication I was on a few years ago. It's the medication that caused me to develop akathisia quite badly. Judging by people's comments on Twitter, it's not a good thing that I'm on it. Some are saying they're surprised I'm awake, others saying it's been banned where they are because of the side effects. Either way, I don't like being on this, and if my psych offers me the chance to go on quetiapine tablets like he wanted to, I'll take them this time. I have said I'll take quetiapine tablets to the staff here so hopefully my psych will let me. Acuphase can only be taken for a couple of weeks anyway, so he'll be looking at other treatment options at my next ward round.

I have been having leave this last week, but it's only an hour in the immediate grounds of the unit. If you walk slowly, it would take about 15 minutes to complete the walk around the grounds (AKA the car park), but there's nowhere to sit down in that area. However, I think I am allowed to the site of the main hospital now, so there's a longer walk, but the acuphase has left me very tired. There is a little shop just by the main doors here that's open during normal working hours, so I've been able to buy a few cans of Pepsi Max as a treat, but hopefully soon I'll get to the main hospital shop and be able to get more things.

My weight has also been an issue since coming in here, but in the opposite way than I've had before. Previously, I've had problems with weight gain, this time it's weight loss that I'm having problems with. My appetite is almost non-existent and as a result, in the three weeks from when I'd last weighed myself until the Sunday just gone, I'd lost just over a stone, 15 lbs in all. I've been drinking milk and eating as much as I can tolerate since then in the hope of at least slowing down the weight loss, but I'll ask if I can weigh myself again this Sunday to see how successful I've been. It's funny, I never thought I'd be so desperate to not lose weight!

Although on saying that, there were a few days last week where I didn't eat or drink anything, which is partly why my weight loss was so dramatic. For four days and nights, all that I ate/drank were my morning meds. I probably had about 50 ml of water and whatever calorific content was in my tablets as nourishment for four very long days. The staff only really picked up on it on day three but on day four, they did a blood test. I was panicking at this, thinking that it would pick up on how long I'd not had anything to eat or drink for, but the blood test came back completely normal. When I asked the results and they told me they were fine, I had to walk away quickly, feeling a grin coming on. However, after a phone conversation with a loved one, I started feeling confused about why I was starving and dehydrating myself. With the help of a healthcare assistant, I had my first drink in 104 hours. Whoever said 72 hours without water would kill you is wrong! But don't try that at home children. Dehydration is very painful if I'm being honest with myself. Don't try it.

So I think that's it. Not a lot of exciting things happen here. The most notable things that have happened were burning my tongue on the food at lunch today (yes, really!) and having a centipede crawling all over me a few nights ago. When I was in the general side at the end of August, I had a centipede make its home in my toothbrush holder. I nearly had the toothbrush in my mouth before I noticed it! Thankfully, I was able to get a clean toothbrush from the nurses there, so I binned my toothbrush and made sure the toothbrush holder was well and truly disinfected before using it again! Why I'm suddenly a centipede magnet in this hospital, I don't know, but if the centipede queen (or whoever their leader is) is reading this, please leave me alone!