Up and down

I've not really blogged much lately. A few reasons why, not having motivation to blog but mainly because last month would have been my daughter's birthday. 22nd June she would have been 6. For some reason it's hit me hard this year, I'm not sure why.

Flicking through some Facebook friends I've been particularly reading stories from the people I went to school with who have kids of their own. At risk of sounding like a stalker, I quite often look at the photos of their children in a mixture of jealousy and desperate longing for my own little girl.

I know they say that what doesn't kill you makes you stronger but I don't feel any stronger. Since I last blogged, my support worker has been withdrawn and my only support comes from a CPN once a month/6 weeks and a visit to my consultant every 6 months or so. I'm desperate to get back into work but that won't happen until things pick up. My dreams are also tiring me. I have frequent lucid dreams which are exhausting.

On a positive note, I reduce the last of the poisons, sorry meds, on Sunday and the dose will be half of what I was on ie half of the maximum amount! I really can't wait until the reduction and I'm thinking about stopping my other sickness tablet after the reduction. I've successfully stopped one and hopefully will be able to stop the other too. Then I'll only have to take two tablets a day!!

So that's it for now.